Tag Archives: feelings

Why Bother?

 

Experience the experience
I lay in bed, grasping my sides and moaning piteously in my efforts to keep from heaving my insides out even though there wasn’t anything left inside. As I lay there with a raging fever, my aching body thrashed around on perspiration soaked bedclothes, while a single thought roiled in my brain like waves crashing on the rocks below in a wintry storm: “Why bother?”

“Why bother?” The question springs up only in those times when a virulent fever ruthlessly thrusts aside every conscious thought and instead interjects outlandish hallucinations, agonized whimpers and wretched creatures of nightmare.

In other words, it doesn’t happen all that often. When it does, however, I am left drained and depleted, with only scattered images of hellish ordeals, aching and painful muscles, and the ghostly (ghastly) echoes of my own helpless moans as residua. The specter of my father, who committed suicide at an early age, arises again. “Like father, like daughter,” I think (even though he was a young man at his death and I am now more than twice his age). I wonder, yet again, “Is suicide really an option – for me?” How many times have I asked this question throughout the years? And why do I ask? Because, for me it’s all part of my most important question: Why bother? So, once again, I contemplate the idea of ending my life. How would I? Why do it, or why not? And once again, I arrive at the same conclusion that (in my mind), suicide is always an option. Will I select that option? Not today. It’s not time to end this existence. Because before I can take such an action, I need to answer this persistent and nagging question.  Why Bother?

Fever raged through my body for 72 hours, most of which were spent unconscious, at best subconscious. Eventually, things quieted and semi coherent thought carefully poked its quivering nose out, braving the storm to ask again: “Why bother?” It was, after all, the only question requiring an answer. Nothing else could be accomplished until that question was resolved. “So, Jan, let’s have a go at it, eh?”

Why bother … trying?
I reflect on my coaching career as it continues growing toward success for me and my clients.

But … what if I don’t bother? What will happen then?
Someone else will pick up the pieces and create a success for themselves and my/their clients. So … Is success really all that important?  Hmm, something to think about.

Then …

Why bother … speaking?
I think of my coaching clients and how excited I am for them when they ‘get it’ – the pride I feel for them with each step they take.

But … what if I don’t bother? What will happen then?
If I’m not around, someone else will take them in hand and help them succeed. Sooo … is it important for me to feel pride for them? Or for myself?

And what about … with relationships?
Oh, I’ve loved the many special times with family and friends.

But … what if I don’t bother?
Like George Bailey in It’s A Wonderful Life; I reflect that if I’m not around, it won’t really impact their lives in any meaningful way, will it. Life goes on, after all. And really, what’s the main purpose of friends and family, anyway? Is it approval, or acknowledgement, or some form of recognition – of belonging? Do I really feel a need to belong?  And if so, why?

And the ultimate question …

Why bother … living?
Now, that is the real question, isn’t it: Why bother even living?

What is so important that I should keep trying, breathing, feeling, living? Especially lying here, completely wrung out and too weak to do anything about it?

It’s funny, isn’t it, that when an intense question like that arises in our minds (at least it’s true for me) it requires thought and consideration to dredge up an answer. But there is also the awareness in that chaotic swirling, still only semi coherent process, that in reality the answer is irrelevant – it’s the question that is of ultimate importance.

“Okay, Jan, this thing needs a bit of thought organization, doesn’t it? So, thoughts, start organizing yourselves, and answer the question. ‘Cause, there’s nothing I can do, about anything, until you resolve this one thing. Unable to get myself untangled from these twisted bed clothes; no food, no shower, and still not even any energy – so just lie here a bit longer and focus, and answer the bloody question. I’m too weak to do anything but crawl to the bathroom anyway, so it’s easier to just lie here and contemplate.”

Okay: The questions.

Why should I bother continuing to grow a successful business? If I don’t do it, there are a lot of people out there who will step in and do it. So my success isn’t anything truly special, is it?

And what about my coaching clients? What will they do if I don’t bother? Already stated; there are plenty of coaches who will step up and help clients become successful. Which means I’m not really needed there.  Two down.

Why bother with relationships, of any kind? I mean life goes on, doesn’t it. People may occasionally think of me and miss me, but … is that enough reason to bother? I don’t think my life really impacts many others all that much, so why bother? What’s the point?

Now we’re down to the real question, Jan. Why bother living? If there is no ‘purpose,’ no ‘scheme of things,’ no particular goal, and nothing particular to achieve, then what IS the reason to keep on living?

My mind drifts off once more, floating in a nebulous cloud of semi-awareness and silence. No emotions, no needs, no wants. Only the comforting silence. Waiting.

Drifting, like a quiet breeze wafting in through the window, clearing the air and sweeping the fog from my still sluggish brain, words appear: “To experience the experience.”

In Conversations With God, Neale Donald Walsch wrote, and I have to paraphrase here, that there is no great or grandiose purpose, no goal, no raison d’etre for our lives. The only reason we are here, at least in my interpretation, is to experience the experience.

When I first read that book series and made that connection, I thought, “Well, that’s depressing, isn’t it!” I mean, If there is no purpose, then Why Bother at all? As I worked my way through the process and understood that my soul/sole purpose here on this earth is simply to experience the experience, and I mean every experience that I create, a sense of joy flowed through me.  My mind excitedly embraced the freedom of that thought. No longer did I have to try to live up to some unstated purpose or reach some unreachable goal. I was given the freedom to relax into each and every moment and simply experience the experience. The relief, the joy of that discovery was profound.

And slowly now my feverish brain remembered. I remembered that the reason to ‘bother’ is to ‘experience the experience.’ No need for judgment or classifying an experience. The ONLY thing I need to do is let myself BE, and like tree sap in spring, a profound joy began to fill me once again.

Gently thoughts began to glide through my mind. No need to strive, Jan. Just let yourself experience the experience. Nothing more. Of course, success is lovely. Yes, there’s a certain high with success. Yes, yes, yes. But … that didn’t seem an important enough reason to make me want to bother. But … just to experience that experience? Who would want to miss out on that?

What about relationships then? Why else but to experience the experience! How else will you or I experience love, friendship, compassion, happiness, anger, despair and delight? The only possible way to do that is through the experience itself. And ALL we have to do is to experience the experience. Isn’t that amazing?

It’s irrelevant if ANY experience could be labeled ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ make me ‘happy’ or ‘sad’ or ‘mad’ – it’s just all part of the experience – and I remember now that the only reason I am here is to experience the experience. Not to judge the experience, simply to experience the experience. The sense of freedom has my mind soaring.

The process continued; I can succeed or fail in business, do my best for my clients, build relationships, go for a walk or a cruise, skydive, swim in the ocean, sit alone and read a book, listen to music, or meditate. It really and truly doesn’t matter what I do – because my ONLY ‘job’ in this life is to experience the experience – EVERY experience. And to continually remind myself not to judge the experience, simply to experience it. To savor it. Taste it. To smell it, wrap myself up in it, luxuriate in it, and feeeel the emotions of the experience as completely and purely as possible.

To allow myself to LIVE each and every experience, as fully as I am able, and to give myself the amazing experiences of this juicy, luscious, filled-with-emotion experience called living. Even if and in those times I might experience pain.

Since I’m not ill very often, when it does happen, my mind feels ensorcelled and this recovery seems to be slow. But each time I awaken, I discover the answer is always the same, which makes sense since the question is always the same question: Why bother?

Why bother?
My answer: Because the reason I am here, in this human form, is to simply and completely experience the experiences of my life. I feel no demand to serve a greater purpose, no unreachable goal to achieve, no soaring ambition to be fulfilled. The ONLY need I have is to experience the experience – of my life, of living.

You may have different answers. Feel free to share with me in the comments below. I would love to hear from you and the discoveries you have made for your life.

If you feel a knee-jerk reaction and/or compulsion to preach at me and tell me that “finding Jesus” is the only true purpose, you need make no effort to convert me to your belief. However, I eagerly invite you to live YOUR life according to your own personal belief.  For myself, I’ve spent many long hours searching, studying, praying, meditating, thinking, and feeling, and allowing myself to arrive at my own conclusion, which is this: I am here on this earth for the soul/sole purpose of experiencing this experience of life. To allow each experience to flow over, around and through me; to wallow in it and to milk every last morsel of expression from it; to fully embrace and experience LIVING.

What do you think?

Jan Revell

April 5, 2016
Update: My brain finally cleared today sufficiently to research the symptoms of my slow and delayed recovery. Duh. Due to almost 72 hours without food or liquids, I had become severely dehydrated. Should you begin to get ill, I urge you to stock a supply of water/juice/liquids by your bedside for those times when you are aware enough to fumble around at all, and to force yourself to drink, even sips, as often as you can. You may rest assured that I will be following my own advice on this as well.

Please comment and share.

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When I Was Down And Lost

l was asked to think of a favorite quote and ended up, instead, thinking of of a time Watch the cloudswhen I was so down and so lost, so forsaken that I knew my life was over. Obviously, it wasn’t, but I’d like to share those thoughts with you today. I hope you or someone you love might find these words bring hope.

DOWN AND LOST

When you feel down and lost, so low that there is nothing left.
When you feel your life has no more meaning and there is nothing left for you.
When you are so low that you are in that black pit, you know the one.

That was the time I laid myself flat out on the ground and just lay there.
I lay  watching the sky and clouds,
Without thought and without feelings.
No sense of anything,
Just lay there.
Not feeling the ground at my back.
Just lying there, doing nothing,
Watching the clouds slide on by,
Changing into phantasmagoric shapes
But I didn’t see them
Watched them slide away into nothingness

I lay there, my back flat out on the ground,
And watched the sky and the clouds.
No thoughts, judgment, or criticism,
No hopes, wishes, or loss.
No feelings
Just clouds and sky sliding away into nothingness –
Like me.

Until one day,
Who knows what day
Or how long it took to get to that day,
Just one day,
That one day,
I actually saw … something

I saw shapes drifting by in the sky.
I saw colors of the sky and the clouds.
I saw changing light and changing shapes.
I saw …. something
And still I lay there with my back flat on the ground.

And then one day,
Who knows what day or how long it took to get to that day,
Just one day, that one day
A thought floated through,
Was it in the clouds, on the air?
Just a single thought
But it was a thought that carried with it the beat of my heart
A thought that caused a movement
A stir in my body –
Just a small,
Tiny movement …
But movement

And that thought, the thought that changed my life,
The thought that woke me from the pit,
The thought that gave me life
Was this

When I am so low
When I have nothing and no one,
When I am forsaken by others,
Forsaken by myself as well,
As I lie here on the ground
Because there is no place and nothing

The ONLY thing left,
The ONLY thing for me to do,
The ONLY way for me to go

is up.

And I stood, slowly,
And slowly I walked, And eventually, I lived.

Jan Revell 12/23/2014

 

Angelic Christmas Message

Archangel photo
Photo courtesy L.L Warren

Jan:  What can I do to help the situation in the US and the world? Statistics today show that 48% of all Americans are at or below the poverty level today. Europe and the rest of the world are in similar trouble.

Angelic Response:   You are to focus on the transformation. This is the time when hatreds, frustrations, anger, and fear will be strong and will separate the world. The world is now manifesting all the fears of peoples globally – who have created your own world. This is the time foretold in multiple cultures, and you are one of those who will lead people into the new light.

It is now up to those who have awakened to continue the work of awakening, themselves and others who are yearning to awaken.

Now is the time to create your new world; the world of light, of cooperation and collaboration, the world of Love. You are to continue your work as a voice for angels, but not just continue. It is time for you to broadcast our words to the world. Other voices are there and yours will join theirs to bring a new order of peacefulness to this troubled earth.

Transformation is required – of everyone. The work is to transform all anger, fear, hatred; all emotions that cause you to feel sad, depressed or helpless – and transform them into joy. The time is upon humankind to take whatever steps are required to awaken into Love. You have the choice: continue in the current way of being which will destroy your earth, or awaken into Love and create a new world.

For some, this will mean living in or close to nature where you will shepherd the earth and take care of her creatures – all creatures, not just a few. You will recreate healthy planting and gardening to feed each other when the soils and plants have been poisoned. You will discover and create/recreate positive ways to energize your lives and your homes without destruction to the earth. You have this knowledge and ability right now to do so.

For some, it will mean teaching those who are awakening. It is incumbent on you who are the lders in Spirit to train and encourage those who are following in your path(s). It does not mean you have the only answer, for there are many answers that all lead to Spirit.

Your assignment is to teach what you know to those who will listen, and to encourage them to learn from others as well. Remember to be humble and to recognize and acknowledge the God in every person. Remember to encourage those who trust you to grow into their own Self; that you are but one of the many teachers and they who seek have the responsibility to be true seekers and to learn their own truth. For there is not “one truth” but many, and all truths are beautiful.

You may call your spiritual practice a discipline, for working into Spirit is a discipline. There are practices you can offer that will help the young in Spirit to grow; these practices are, in fact, a discipline. Whatever you focus upon; wherever you place your attention and spend your time becomes a discipline. This is a beautiful word – discipline – for it is the recognition that you care, that you are willing to do the work required to reach your goal. All spiritual disciplines include physical, mental, emotional and soul practices. These practices are what you will teach to those who are willing and ready to learn.

As an Elder, you are one of those who will train the upcoming leaders so they can go out and do their work; both those who have the ability to pay monetarily and those who do not have money, for every person has something of value to exchange with another. One of the Universal Laws relates to the exchange of energies. As you are living in Spirit, it is important to remember these laws and to respect them. Integrity is vital in this respect; for those with monetary resources, it is important they pay with money. For those who do not have the resources to pay monies, it is up to them to offer a fair energy exchange.

You are concerned for those who are at or below the poverty level? They must be responsible for their choices. That means they have the choice to grow into Love or continue to live in fear, resentment and anger. Poverty hurts, there is no doubt about it. It is vital for all to remember that poverty truly is a state of being – and each individual has the ability and opportunity to change their state of being at any time. It is not magical or wishful thinking but it IS developing a spiritual discipline. There are those who live at this poverty level for the Soul purpose of being able to connect with and reach others who are in similar circumstances – in order to grow together and create a new world together. There are those in this situation who are ready to stand up and become leaders, and your job is to be there to help them when they are ready.

To you who are Elders, our message is urgent and critical. The time is NOW for you to clear your emotions and become Clear In Spirit. Now is the time for you to step forth in the faith that we are here; we stand with you in your work, for this is the work you were born to do. No longer is it “okay” for you to hide, to make yourself invisible, to be coy or shy. Today, NOW, it is time for you to shed those last remaining fears and insecurities. We urge you to do this work in your own self quickly as you are needed – right now. But you must be clear within yourself – be free of fear that you may have the courage to teach those who follow how to live free of fear, for this is what it will take to create this new world that is coming.

The Transformation is in process.

Elders: Are you prepared to step up to your rightful place as a leader? Are you willing to train those who are coming into their own roles as leaders?

Leaders: To those who are “on your path” and who are ready to grow fully into your True Self, now is the time to find the Elders and begin working with them for it is your path to become the leader you are meant to be. Time is critical. You have been spinning your wheels long enough; the Elders are here and it is time for you to invest in your True Self. You spend your time, your money, your energies on things that bring you little or no satisfaction. Take that time, money and energy and invest it in your True Self. We urge you to do this now. Do not wait any longer.

Seekers: To those who are yearning and who don’t know your direction yet, we encourage you. We love you and we are delighted that you are awakening! Now is the time for you – this is the time you have been waiting for. There is no time to waste – face your fear; then walk hand in hand with it to the Leader or Elder to whom you are drawn. Do not bind yourself to anyone for years and years; rather learn from many for all have something to teach you. And when you are ready, you will find yourself teaching others, for this is the work you have been called to do. We urge you – do not wait any longer.

Payment: Some of what we will say here may seem elementary; however, we want this to be clear. The Exchange of Energies is a Universal Law. If you will participate in creating this new world, it is vital to honor and respect these laws. These are not man-made laws and you will not go to jail for “breaking a law.” You do, however, create your own world each and every moment of each and every day. What will your world look like?  Now, here are two simple guidelines relating to payment to Elders and Leaders.

For those who have monetary resources: When you have the financial ability to do so, it is important that you value highly your Self and those who train you. Do not bargain, do not whine, do not cower. Stand tall and become who you are truly meant to be. Energy exchange is required of all, and when you have the ability to pay monetarily, it is important that you honor that ability and invest in your role in this new creation.

For those who are living at and below poverty level who are ready to grow into your Self, it is vital that you search inside yourself to find all the skills and talents you have that someone else might find useful. Whether you have ever held a job or not, you have many talents and skills – things you take for granted are things others want and need. Make a list and keep adding to it. Be truthful – make sure that a skill or talent you list is something you do really well. Integrity is vital as you create this list, because these are the items of value that you have to offer as exchange to a Leader or Elder. Value your own talents and be absolutely certain to honor the value coming to you through all training you will receive.

We are here to encourage you and guide you when you ask. We are here to show you Love. And we are here with delight and awe at the courage you show by stepping into your role as a spiritual Elder, Leader, Seeker and Pathfinder for those who follow and who will need your guidance.

Know this, You Are Loved.

This message is sent to you from the Archangels Gabriel, Michael, Uriel, Raphael and Metatron, as well as others who join us in celebration of this Great Awakening.

Photo courtesy L.L. Warren; @SheWolf, http://on.fb.me/urGlPm (Facebook)

The Law of Attraction And The Revised Golden Rule

lawofattraction.jpg
The Law of Attraction (Photo by Jan Revell 2010)

I’m sure you have heard and read, like I have, that all you have to do is think of what you want and Boom! It appears like magic. When you try it out, though, you end up thinking something is wrong with you because it doesn’t work quite that easily. So it must be you, right? Wrong! There really IS more to it than that. Lots of people have written about how easy it is to practice the Law of Attraction and how rich they have become by using it, but too many of the gurus I’ve heard and read either gloss over the most important factor or they omit it altogether.

Remaining neutral in your emotions is great for Karma but not so great when you’re trying to use the Law of Attraction! Neutral means no movement, no action, and that’s not what anyone wants to “attract!” Usually, people use the Law of Attraction to get more money or improve relationships or increase business – none of which are neutral! So, let’s talk about feeeelings, shall we?

Teachers of the Law of Attraction always say: “What you put out is what you get back” and that is Oh, So True! And what you put out also impacts people around you – and you get back from them just what you’re sending out, so watch out! When I worked as an x-ray technician (now they’re called radiologic technologists) at Sacred Heart Hospital, there were approximately a dozen staff in the department at any given time. I worked swing shift (3-11 pm) so everyone was having a good or bad day well before I arrived. However, if I came to work in a bad mood, it didn’t make any difference how happy everyone was when I arrived, within fifteen minutes, every single person there was showing signs of heading into a bad mood! The opposite was also true: I could arrive in a great mood and soon everyone else was in a great mood, too! How I resented that! “They have no right to let their moods be impacted by my moods!” But it also made me realize just how susceptible people are to those of us who broadcast our emotions louder than others. At the time, I recognized that since I was the one who was aware of what was happening, I was also responsible for doing something about it! My solution was to hum. I would go around all day humming tunelessly in an attempt to cover up my bad mood. It worked! I was stunned the day one of the receptionists said to me, “You’re sure in a good mood today” (which I was certainly NOT) – all because I was protecting others from my own sour mood! What an eye opener that was!

So, if you are the type who blasts your emotions all over the place, it’s vital that you learn to protect others from your ugly moods … but to continue to shower them with love when you’re in a good mood! Even better is to learn to enjoy the good moods more and more, and to let go of, or neutralize the bad moods. Because – you really do get what you give. You attract and amplify whatever emotion you put out to the world.

Next: How Do You Effectively Use The Law Of Attraction?

What You Feel Is What You Attract

feelings.jpg
Feelings... Oh! Oh! Oh! Feelings...

Do you sometimes feel like you collect a bunch of “stuff,” and sometimes even people, that you didn’t intend to collect and you don’t really want?

Remember the time you mentioned to your mother-in-law that you like turtles, and from then on, everyone you knew started giving you turtle “things?” You didn’t have any intention of collecting turtles when you mentioned this, did you? But all of a sudden you had this turtle collection – and what to do now? I mean, you like turtles and all, but not enough to collect them! But how do you say No to that? More to the point, how do you say you like something – without someone taking it that you want it in your house, on your wall, or even on your body? Ouch!

And what about the time you said you wanted a raise but felt it probably wouldn’t happen. It didn’t happen, did it? And another time, when you saw someone you thought was hot and you would like to meet that person, but then – they probably wouldn’t find you interesting – and you never got the chance to find out, did you?

These are living examples of how the Universe and the Law of Attraction really work! We jinx ourselves all the time, most of the time without even realizing it. We often do the same with people, money, relationships, jobs, etc. And we continue this “insane” practice throughout our lives, wondering why things don’t seem to work out the way we say we want them to. (Insane = doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result)

“Wait a minute!” you huff. “I practice the Law of Attraction and it still doesn’t work!” Really? Let’s take a closer look at that, but before we do, let’s look at a bigger and more common problem that is directly related.

We get the Golden Rule and the Law of Attraction
confused and mixed up.

The Golden Rule tells us to “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.” That’s garbage! It’s not only totally egocentric, it’s also backwards. Following this “rule,” we end up always doing things TO others the way WE want things done and end up frustrated because no one ever figures out what it is WE want – and because they don’t respond in the way WE want them to respond. Even the Universe can’t get it straight! Well, duh! Think about it for a quick second – Everyone else is so busy doing unto you what they want you to do unto them – they don’t even notice what you are doing, other than to notice you’re not doing it right! And you’re doing the same thing, aren’t you? You’re so busy doing unto them what YOU want that you don’t have time or energy to look and see what it is they are doing. It’s literally a vicious and unsatisfying circle that continues to go round and round.

Let’s turn this rule a bit sideways, just for kicks. Try changing the wording just a little to: “Do unto others what they would have you do unto them,” and we come up with an entirely different way of looking at things. All of a sudden, you have to start paying attention to what others are doing to and for you – and not think about how YOU want it done. I have to forget me for a bit and listen to – and actually look at and see the other person so I can figure out what it is they really want from me. How do they want me to respond to them, in what way? Do they want a response or do they just need me to listen? How do they want me to act that shows them I care? What words do they use so I can use those words to speak to them in their own language – which also shows them I care.

The wording makes a minor change that has a major impact on both of us; the one who makes the changes and the one who doesn’t. For the one who makes this minor adjustment to how they listen and act toward others, it can be completely life changing. For the people with whom they interact, it will also make a world of difference. It can change “He doesn’t care” to “He really does care, wow!” It changes “She never hears what I’m saying” to “She always seems to know exactly what I mean.”

Which would you rather feel? And which response would you rather have?

The Law of Attraction is something very different, although when you apply the “revised” Golden Rule along with the LOA, you have an unbeatable combination!

We’ll look at that in the next article.